this is my first time on 4chan, so sorry if i break any rulesim in a relationship with no feelings in iti hate how pathetic i feel, i told her how i felt but she always had mental health issues so she insisted on trying and sticking it out since she also had a phase like that in our relationship i dont want itregardlessthe reason i fell out of love is disgusting and i hate how pathetic i feelim a very possessive person, probably due to how she had broken my trust and how i was humiliated by anyone who knew her when we first met and were in that infactuation phase.i cheated on her alot for the first, like 3/4ths but for the last like 6 months i managed to snap out of it, i honestly feel disgusted from how similar to Kang Mincheol i was i wanted a better relationship, finally, and it was getting better, i moved on from the hurt in the past and so continued working on it (please do mind we both were very immature, and we both regret everything that happened)back on track, but pretty much she texted her boy best friend back after shed already blocked him. she didnt tell me, i had to find out myself (which was accidental mind you.) (im very possessive, i know its unhealthy but theres jack shit i can do about it) and the flame just kinda.. went outmy love for her had just vanishedit wasnt gradualit wasnt obviousit was just spontaneousand the worst part is i still care for her, i still want her to be happy and safe and i even manage to feel jealous stillbut i just cant feel the love. i dont wanna be with her but at the same time, who else would want me? what else am i meant to do until i graduate? i feel disgusted with myself, i hate looking in the mirror i hate how ive reclused myself away from my worldwe spent the 4th of july together, birthdays and events etc etc we keep hanging out, yet nothing, i still feel like a chunk of my insides are missing or a hollow feelingwhat do i do?
i want to make her happy, not because i have to or anything its just something i want for her, i know she has severe SH and those type of tendencies, honestly id even be happy hooking her up with someone if i knew itd make her happy, but its not like thatll help either. i know i dont have to be with her, i dont have to reply, i dont have to help, but its been almost 4 years, how could i just abandon her? i want something new i want something better i dont love her but ive been holding it back, FOR HALF A FUCKING YEAR!!!! (idk how else to emphasize) whats the point of leaving when that would hurt her so much more? i want her to be happy, i want to help her be in a better situation, but her moms dating a jailbird who beat her (the mom) so bad she had to get her fucking face reconstructed, he cheated and she cheated, her (my girlfriend)'s siblings dont respect her shit and broke the charger for the scooter she spent a month saving up for, they wreck her room and they move soon, the jailbird gets out in a month or two, so what the fuck do i do? i cant just leave, i may be scum for being in a one-sided relationship but i still care about her, i genuinely hate how this turned out, i wanted a family and i wanted everything with her, and its not even her leaving, its not her breaking up, its not her finding someone else, its me, its me not loving her anymore over something that was so fucking small id have forgotten after a month. was it when she fucked her long-time ex near my birthday and told me 4 months later my trust started to fray? mind you i was cheating and texting and sexting around that time, we both were absolute pieces of garbage so aim your anger at me instead, i want to care for her but i dont want to be in a relationship with her, not even care for her but even just have her be happy. it fucking sucks, and theres nothing i can do to stop it because i cant control how i feel
ive always been a much more sensitive person, so maybe thats why i care but it wouldnt apply to anyone else. i wouldnt care for a stranger, i wouldnt want them to be happy the way i do for her. i feel like i can breathe now that im saying all this, but at the same time it feels suffocating because im publicly acknowledging the fact that i dont love her anymore, and that hurts much more then any breakup ever could. i was dumped by a lesbian who had a boyfriend, ive been betrayed by others before, ive betrayed others before, ive hurt others before, yet for some reason i cant just block her. ive tried but my chest just tightens and hurts at the idea of her sobbing alone in her messy room crying wondering where her baby went, i hate everything i hate this i hate how i cant just not care for her the way i did everyone else, shes so far out of my league and loves me so deeply but i just cant get that feeling back in my chest, its like im grasping for straws, i dont miss her, i dont long for her, i just miss the feeling of love i had before. ive been infactuated so many times before and yet i cant just feel the slightest hint of warmth in my chest for her. i hate how despicable i am for it, yet what the fuck else am i meant to do? leave and abandon the love i held close in my arms and introduced to my entire family? the love i cared for so deeply i wanted to kill anyone who even looked at her wrong? i hate how possesive i am, i hate how controlling i am, i try and not be this way but i just cant help it, its like an instinct, the way you move your fingers to type, the way you move your eyes when you hear something, the way you keep your lips tight when you bite into something, the way you breathe after taking a bite, the way you blink automatically, i cant help anything i do when it comes to jealousy or love, i hate how stalkerish i am. i wanna be stronger, i wanna be more dependable, but im just not. i probably wont ever look at this thread again, but thats a lie, i will
i hope you all, if anyones reading this, has a good day and never has to experience thisif you wanna acknowledge the fact you read this then reply with your favorite game, mine would be fnaf! have a good day loveliesand yeah im straight im just diverting attention from my 6000 character long vent
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Chemicals ran out I guess. When your eye receive an Image your brain produces chemicals which makes you feel a certain way. So when the chemical ran out you don't feel anything anymore when you see that image. Image being your girlfriend. We can never "love" anyone we can only get addicted to the sensations of how our body feels as a result of the chemicals we get intoxicated by when our eye receive a certain image or when we hear a certain sound etc. Think of your favourite food, you don't really love or like it you just like the sensation that your body feels when your tongue come into contact with the texture of the food. This sensation might get dull with time and you may grow averse to the texture of the same food.
>>41You no longer get the same sensation you got as when you were infatuated with her and you crave that sensation. So want to look for a different object which will give that same sensation. This has got nothing to do with love or her. This has got all to do with the nature of craving. Since you're not getting what you crave you suffer. But you still feel empathy for her which is a different sensation you feel when your mind conjures up a construct of images and other signals ( the image of her crying or being sad). This creates a sensation pertaining to sadness in your body. This is basically it there is no deeper level to this.
>>42The feeling of sadness you get when you think of leaving her is good enough of a sensation as the sensation of being infatuated. You just no longer feel the sensation pertaining to infatuation because the chemical related to it probarbly ran out in your body. Or the mental image you had of your object of infatuation has been altered to a degree that it no longer gives you the sensation.These sensations are nothing but sensations they're not deep. There's no meaning behind them and there's no value to them. It's just not worth it hurting other people over them. The sensation can always return for the same object.
>>36>4chanYou've made a mistake.